Hate and Confusion

Hate myself so much, useless, terrified, lonely, confused, hateful, how is a fool like me supposed make things better? Feels better to get that off my chest, now I know I should take a shower and go pray. Then sleep, not much of that lately, though I am very tired sis was with me last 2 nights (she just had an op so I thought I should do my bit to take care of things) but whenever I go on my side (I move a lot in bed) and try to lay back down on my back her arm is there or SHE is there right under me, I’m afraid I will flatten her, also since the op she doesn’t snore much, which is scary because I keep forgetting and thinking she stopped breathing (my mother is just as bad šŸ˜› ). Anyway she be with umi tonight, I’m broke beccause father doesn’t know how to manage his business, honestly how is it my fault? this is at least the third time he does this, annoying. Looking at the website stats hardly anyone visits the site so I am pretty much writting whatever I feel like HAHAHA, surely nobody who knows me, YAY freedom šŸ˜› , I hate it, I want a cage. I’m starting to hate stupid people, I mean stupid as in make bad choices and adopt pathetic, self serving and vague philosophies (please note I use the term very loosly) with no meaning, foundation or logic behind them (the philosophies), I want to kill them (or have them castrated with a chainsaw in some cases, which I hope kills them but more painfully), they cause too much damage, hurt too many people, and they are losers. Everything is so complicated when it could be so simple, just because of some fool interfering. A (long distance) friend of my mother just died recently, quite sudden and sad, cancer. Allah yirhamha. Need to go better my fat, ugly, insomniac and insecure self. 4 laptops on my desk yesterday (IT maintanance, my 2nd job so to speak šŸ˜› , can’t charge my family though šŸ˜¦ ).

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