Eid Mubarak. Never satisfied? feeling “faint”

Eid mubarak, now I feel guilty because I’m not home for eid, my mother is sad because it is a fun but stressful time and it is the first time me and another of my brothers isn’t home for eid ul fitr. My poor bro hasn’t been home all Ramadan. So now I am going to miss the drama (and the breakfast of eid) OMG no balalee6, I love balalee6. Seems I never be satisfied 😦 a few days ago I said I hope the 30th is eid and upset her (I said I don’t want the drama, she said it’s not fair she is the one to suffer alone 😛 miskeena. Bad son.) so then I felt bad (naturally I still feel bad 😦 ). At least I’m off for the 2nd and 3rd, Ramadan has been hectic this year.

My father started going to the mosque this year (which is mostly good, more later), my brother is away in uni, my other brothers are quite busy with studies, my sisters are growing up (ok their always growing up but this year is different 😛 ), I think its the first time I have prayed so little in the mosque 😦 (Brother A as well, he’s usually pretty good but he’s busy with studies and other stuff), I’ve hardly been to taraweeh this year. My brothers are a bit stressed about my father going to the mosque now (it might seem unfair but it is justified), mushkilla he doesn’t care about your reasons or needs to leave (well he seems to have given up on me, sometimes), and second and more importantly has only become “holy” this year and is quite preachy, it is unfair especially to brother A because overall he has been going to the mosque more than anyone else over time and he is the youngest dude so at least don’t talk down to him (miskeen stupid smart naughty good boy, he’s so annoying sometimes but so easy to love). Baba needs to chill a bit.

Even though Ramadan has felt strange this year I really am grateful for so many things. My grandfather is out of hospital, disaster(s) ha(s/ve) come and gone (and we SURVIVED). My faith has really gotten stronger (true I didn’t go to the mosque enough but I know and feel more than ever and really understand ina Allah 3ala Kuli Shay’in Qadeer). Oh yes I managed to i5tim el Quran, it’s only the second time I do it in my life (I have various excuses not worth mentioning 😛 ) but the first time was more like I was forced to, this year I did it for myself (barely, ma3rif itha mahsoob im5ali9 in Ramadan). I’ve put alot of post its as bookmarks this year 🙂 (things to remember, things to check tafsir, quite a few about women so I can tell guys off with confidence 😛 , la suj don’t mean to be cheeky but some guys really need to be told what they do isn’t exactly right…..etc etc…. long story hag youm thani).

I hope mahsoob hagi ajir inee 5itamt in Ramadan (not that I’m picky or have a choice 😛 , I will get what I deserve inshalla), I was reading most of the day (ya3nee when I could, I have been at work also 😛 ). Got to the hotel, I decided to wake my self up by walking (8 floors) up the stairs (didn’t work very well), long story short I think I fainted (I think I’m just tired and dehydrated) and didn’t finish reading till after midnight (stuff happened in between, bs malal. I did break my fast later). Now I hated the faint/ almost faint thing because I didn’t fall out of the chair, if I fell out of the chair it will be a funny story to tell BUT I DIDNT, so what to do now? I am still tired maybe I’m sick? I went up and down the stairs again (run 4 floors, walk 2 floors then crawl the rest 😛 ) and had something to eat so I should be FRESH as… sashimi (couldn’t think of anything). I feel fat, maybe I need to sleep 😦 (sleep makes life complicated).

Anyway in spite of how much I complain (I did quite a bit didn’t I 😛 ) and think and worry about the future (it is still scarey) I am really thankful for everything and rahmat Allah. I suppose it is too bad I will miss eid.

الحمد لله و عيدكم مبارك

Almost time to pray here. Then maybe SLEEP. No good movies… no way I’m paying 13.5 € to watch Sex and the City. Maybe listen to Abdel Halim (just in the mood, Betloomoony lieh ?). People keep messaging for eid, I will take care of that after tommorrow I guess.

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