Failures

I fail at being as good as I should be that is a fact I am quite aware of. My fathers fails to manage his business because he only started managing it 3 years after he started. My brother did badly for the 2nd year of uni hence failing, I love how I am no better than him at studying according to him, anyway joking aside I hope he figures out what to do and actually pulls himself together, I hope he tells my father when I am not home. Now they are both busy feeling sorry for themselves. What am I to do? How mundane. Well I will be doing my weekly updates again starting on the beginning next week.

Hate and Confusion

Hate myself so much, useless, terrified, lonely, confused, hateful, how is a fool like me supposed make things better? Feels better to get that off my chest, now I know I should take a shower and go pray. Then sleep, not much of that lately, though I am very tired sis was with me last 2 nights (she just had an op so I thought I should do my bit to take care of things) but whenever I go on my side (I move a lot in bed) and try to lay back down on my back her arm is there or SHE is there right under me, I’m afraid I will flatten her, also since the op she doesn’t snore much, which is scary because I keep forgetting and thinking she stopped breathing (my mother is just as bad ). Anyway she be with umi tonight, I’m broke beccause father doesn’t know how to manage his business, honestly how is it my fault? this is at least the third time he does this, annoying. Looking at the website stats hardly anyone visits the site so I am pretty much writting whatever I feel like HAHAHA, surely nobody who knows me, YAY freedom , I hate it, I want a cage. I’m starting to hate stupid people, I mean stupid as in make bad choices and adopt pathetic, self serving and vague philosophies (please note I use the term very loosly) with no meaning, foundation or logic behind them (the philosophies), I want to kill them (or have them castrated with a chainsaw in some cases, which I hope kills them but more painfully), they cause too much damage, hurt too many people, and they are losers. Everything is so complicated when it could be so simple, just because of some fool interfering. A (long distance) friend of my mother just died recently, quite sudden and sad, cancer. Allah yirhamha. Need to go better my fat, ugly, insomniac and insecure self. 4 laptops on my desk yesterday (IT maintanance, my 2nd job so to speak , can’t charge my family though ).

Scrubs addiction

Ok I have a really big Scrubs addiction. I have watched all the episodes that my bro had (which is practically all the episodes season 1 to 7 which is about 148 episodes at around 22 minutes each which is approximately 50 hours minus a bit for some missed episodes). This is a direct result of being confined to my room due to being so sick. I hate hearing double, and echoing in my head (left ear trouble mostly). I hate (some) doctors, it’s like dude whats wrong, I say well my ear feels like it is about to explode and my voice is not usually this sexy, he laughed, didn’t tell me whats wrong (until I asked after he wrote a perscription) and decided I was ok to go to work, funny condsidering I stayed the next 3 days in my room because I couldn’t stand any noise and my ears were ringing. Doctors nowadays, get the nurse to check the patient, ask three questions, throw drugs at them and hope they don’t want to know whats up, fantastic (not).

Anyway since I was confined to my room and couldn’t stand noises I couldn’t control I watched Scrubs, and gained weight (since I was not exercising since I can’t stand the noise and was generally feeling aweful). I have also not shaven and skipped my haircut (which I need quite badly, I look scarey). Anyway I hate myself (and Ted).

Well enough to exercise again, did some walking yesterday. Anyway posting DOFs again by next Saturday. Still need to add things to the WiW.

What a Month

It has been a long and tiring month and it is not even over yet. I hate being sick, my head feels like it is going to explode. I have to call sick again. I think between the exercise (trying to do it everyday, failed ) and not sleeping (some nights literally not at all) I’ve exhausted myself and made myself sick, also I think someone at work made me sick. This really sucks. Anyway watched Mushishi, fantastic anime, can’t believe I didn’t watch it sooner. Mahou Shoujotai is just childish but quite stylish and entertaining I suppose. Anyway going to add them, Slumdog millionaire & Ghajni to the WiW section. My head feels like it is going to explode, my throat is going to burn up and my ears are going to pop. Just posting because I am so bored and naturally can’t sleep, have photos to organize but thats so dull, maybe should do that, I think god is punishing my mercurial behavior. Everything is boring when I feel like this, it’s like you want to sleep so badly and you wouldn’t ever want to wake up. Disgusting, Oh I have my new baby (laptop), happy with that at least, I can’t believe the battery is lasting me over 5 hours, thats just silly . I also want to kill my cousin because he won’t send me the pics to set up his business website, he is so annoying. OMG there are people who visit my site . A shocking development . Oh I have a “weight loss buddy” too (a curious development) thinking I should point him to the site and he can add his comments to the DOF entries.

Most annoying thing ever

So you and someone decide to go for a drive for a couple of hours just to see where you end up, all of a sudden in the first 15 minutes your over a bridge and they throw you out the window into the sea. Then they do it again (unfortunately your bad at drowning). Couple of hours passed pretty quick aye? Maybe they didn’t want me to be sad with where the trip ended so they decided to throw me out early, maybe they couldn’t stand you, or planned it that way all along. Maybe you asked the wrong questions, maybe they couldn’t care less what you were asking or don’t think you deserved an answer. If your going to throw me out the window might as well tell me what I want to know on our way to the bridge sa7? Too much effort maybe.

I don’t know I’m probably stupid but it just doesn’t make sense to me. I’m sure there is something to add in to the equation. C’est la vie. Anyway people say I look like I lost weight, thats cool. Need to go see management about my vacation bid and a fleet transfer. Feel lazy.

into the COLD

While writing this I’m on my way from my humble thumb shaped 23ªC GCC nation to the frosty grayness of the UK, where temperatures are around lows -1ªC and highs of 6ªC. I don’t like the cold. It is just for a week so I might survive. On a high note I did manage to learn how to fold a lotus flower AND managed a quick visit to the NEW Qatar Islamic Museum, which by the way is fantastically done, also managed to buy a new phone THE c905 which comes with an 8mpix camera, 8gb memory card and lots of other nifty features, really nice build quality,it is not for me though I just set it up and gave it up , the owner is asleep right now, I could just “borrow” it for a bit… .

HOLLOW

Feeling hollow, don’t know how else to describe it, not a happy feeling. Went to watch Body of Lies, not really any good, 2 weeks ago Quantum of Solace was pretty good. Not sure what to go watch, there is Mongol, Warlords, Taken. There are also other movies but I think they suck, like Saw 5 (YUCK). All I need is someone to drag along to the cinema, one of my friends watches EVERYTHING before me so he is really annoying t take to the cinema because he gets to choose what he didn’t watch, I should disown him. Passed my annual check today, yay, I guess.

Brain drain

Ever watch or experience something and then feel like it sucked part of your brain out, making you dumber, or you have to watch it just to see how awful it gets or thinking it couldn’t get any worse (then it proves you wrong). Anyway I am going to list some recent ones.


Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Not into animal themed live action movies (animated is ok), granted they are for kids, but this movie was atrocious and sickening. I honestly felt like the day had gone to waste and I had destroyed a few thousand brain cells. My mind is contaminated, yuck yuck yuck.

Macross Frontier

First time watching macross and likely the last, its what my grandmother would think anime would be like, CORNY, FULL OF PLOT HOLES, SUPER EMOTIONAL SOAP OPERA DRAMA, GIANT ROBOTS, MUSIC IS THE POWER OF THE UNIVERSE? and LOTS OF FANSERVICE (practically means nakedness, last episode is noteworthy). Its like Barney the dinosaur mashed up with the bold and the beautiful (NO I DON’T WATCH THOSE, but I have endured other people watching them) with giant robots and magic alien communicating singing (and fanservice). Kills your brain (last episode is noteworthy). GET OUT OF MY HEAD J-POP.

Naruto ship 78-79 & 80

Series as a whole is pretty weak, but these 3 episodes (1 a double) takes the cake in brain draining action. WHY you ask, because the title of it is “Asuma DIES!”, then you have to wait through the whole double episode until the very last second(s) then he dies (sort of), he then spends the next episode DYING and TALKING. WHY WHY WHY? JUST DIE ASUMA, I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY, DIE DIE DIE.

Death Race

I have no idea what posessed me to watch this, garbage and gore. This will fry your brain. No coolness factor, some stuff looks cool but totally isn’t, lame charecters, lame everything, people get torn up like packets of ketchup, writers had a tormented childhood and decided to torment others with this drivel.

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There is more (like the entire SAW series), but I can’t be bothered to diss it just yet, I need sleep. On a side note Seirei no Moribito is totally awesome (so far), it has a female hero who is cool, keeps her clothes on (HOW UNCONVENTIONAL) and is really nicely animated.

Poor Dodge, I could cry

My poor car, I hurt him again (his name is Dodge, so he is a guy, besides my last car was a girl, Maxi ), Anyway Dodge is quite a big fella, actually he is like a giant alligator on streroids and growth hormones, and he is a bit of a handfull, he also doesn’t turn as well as most cars his size since they are usually 4WD and with smaller wheelbases. Now the company finally has some parking, and I being called before my duty (I OFFICIALLY HATE WORK TODAY) was happy to see the parking was finally open (again after 3 months of being closed ), offcoarse I forgot that I needed to make 3 point turns to get my car in and out safely, so I happily park Dodge when security (I hate him today) tells me I have to move (I was happy with my parking, I literally had like 3 inches between me and the beam), annoyed, in a hurry and blocked by a car (I hate that guy as well today ), I turned right as I came out, forgeting how close I am and how quacking tight the parking was I heard Dodge scream as his rear door scraped against a steel beam , it was so heartbreaking. Should of just waited for the Suzuki Swift to move (the fool didn’nt want to though and the security didn’t exactly help), so I parked again told security to get lost, car stays where it is for the police to see, and explained my self to some dude who thinks he can tell me what to do (who is he anyway? not like I would listen if he told me to move the car ), so I went to work, 10 hours later me and Dodge had to wait 2 hours for the police ( I was starting to think this was turning out to be a bad day ), I HATE the fact the guys kept saying they were almost there and refusing to just let me go to the station. Now work just called me up to change my shift (which was not legal, they should give me 10 hours notice, but I answered the phone dang ) waking me up and making sure I feel awful tommorow morning AND miss praying at the mosque (same with last schedule change, why do they hate me so?), I should of just not answered the phone, except I didn’t know it was them because they seem to have about 10 numbers and 3 more if the desk calls (okay maybe less, but they have too many numbers). Poor Dodge, I hate scheduling, I really need to get rid of Dodge (been trying to think how), he’s too big, eats too much and I can’t take him most places (hard to park, gas guzzler, lowish car, impssible in the souq) but I started to like Dodge (long story but we get along), just don’t know what to do with him . Second time I hurt Dodge (and it is MY fault, and the IDIOT who made the parking only big enough for Tiidas Corrollas and Fireflys, I want to take something hard and whack them across the head). I can’t ducking sleep so I am posting silly stuff on the net. I am so tired. I will decide in January what to do with Dodge.

Politics

Obama has beaten McCain, historically significant. Him being black and all. One thing is for sure wether they do good or bad the administration should bring alot of change (which the US probably needs) will be interesting to watch (or be narrated whats happening in the world by my dear mother).

On the issue of politics, I find it intriguing (and disturbing) where companies put money. Apparently it is fairly common for LARGE companies like Google, Microsoft and Apple to give money (alot) towards political causes. I speak particularly about gay rights, now my stance on homosexuality is not a disease or of being born “different”, it is attraction between people that most people have the potential for but certain people are predisposed to, I don’t assume homosexuals to be pedophiles (apparently some people do) I honestly just think those engaging in same sex relations are living their life in the wrong way and they shouldn’t expect to be accommodated, to be blunt I see it like drinking, smoking, promiscuity some other questionable acts which I won’t bash people about (unless it is m place ) but will not accommodate (doesn’t mean you can’t relate), my beliefs are not rooted in religion but rather my knowledge and reinforced through my religion (you could say I went through a phase of being agnostic when I was quite young thats all I mean, not to belittle the importance of my religion to me, I just needed a few anchors for my faith so to speak) I am not talking about the sugar coated politically correct knowledge people like to talk about (or are pressured into). Anyway the point of all this is my money goes towards something I don’t believe in (goes against my beliefs I suppose), is it wrong to still buy from said company? or wrong to buy from a company that deals with that company? I am buying their products for the sake of their products at the end of the day, and who else are you going to use at the end of the day? To put things into perspective, Microsoft is on most peoples computers, Google is on everyones internet (even the searches inside some sites you visit are powered by Google), and Apple makes iPods (they are fairly popular BTW FYI) just something to think about, not something you can really do anything about though (trash everything, get a farm and live off the land?).